The hard positive

Ok this is a hard one for me. I need to try very hard on this day.

I clearly remember the first New Years Eve after Josh died. In hubbys home village, sitting in the pub not drinking as I had the next little baby on the way. I was sitting there surrounded by family and friends thinking, "Get me out of here" We all sang outisde the pub to bring in the New Year as the snow started to fall.

Yes I can see the joy a New Year brings, but I always feel as though one is left in the old year, another year my son is not with me.

I did get excited about the snow, the tiny little flakes that fell.

The positive is hard to find, as one year goes it is hard.

Though I am aware that I don't have Josh in my arms, he is always with me. Our loves keeps us together. He will always be our baby, and thats the positive I keep with me on days that I struggle.

They year he turns 18 and I am looking to the positive.